Over the last couple days I've been struggling with the pre-hike jitters, the ones that keep me up at night wondering if I'm ready, will I forget anything, will I finish, will I be safe, what unforeseen problems will I encounter? Will my family be OK? Just get me on the trail already! It happens every time, the bigger the challenge, the worse I get.
This coming hike is the biggest I've done so far, 160 km in 8 days over some intense terrain, big elevation climbs and drops, ridge walks while beautiful will near cripple someone with the fear of heights that I do; the challenges go on and on.
You may ask why bother? I'm not sure I can answer fully. I guess it's just something crossed wired in my brain; the challenge, the love of the great outdoors, I have to be constantly moving and sometimes any other form of transport won't cut it, I'm a wanderer, it's just who I am. Just last year I solo hiked the West Coast Trail, going solo brought it's own anxieties, but so far this year's hike has got me really buzzing.
It's that time when all your well set out plans start to come unraveled, for instance I've been working on breaking in my hiking shoes for a couple months now, they've seen maybe a total of 50 kilometers. Just the other day the tread on the sole starting coming off in big chunks; awesome, one week left and now I'm starting over with a newly replaced warranty pair. Of course the worry plaguing my mind is how will they fair on the 160 km hike I'm about to head out to, and will I be able to break them in, in time? I do not have high hopes for either.
I just want to elaborate for a minute on my fear of heights, up until about 10 years ago I honestly thought I had no fears, I still struggle to see much that I'm afraid of; however, just about the time of my youngest son's birth I fell from a height in such a way that doesn't let me forget so easily. I do credit this fall for at least one good thing, I now think a little more before I jump right into something, likely a cause for the pre-hike jitters.
I've been through a number of near death experiences through out my life (some even since) and none have had the effect of this one. I've have been working on making myself get through this fear, hikes over mountain ridges should help, right? As I've "matured" over the years, and realized that my daughters are going to get older no matter what I say or do, and that they may even leave the protection of my home in the next few years, I'm realizing I do have a few more fears popping up, not for myself but for them and anyone that may try to date them. Just another thing that keeps me up at night, but maybe that topic is going to have to be saved for another blog.
Now back to the jitters, how do I deal with them?
First, I try not to leave anything to the last minute, it all falls back to my boy-scout training, "Be Prepared". When you know you've got everything in order, and the questions come, you can reassure yourself that you've dealt with it already.
Second, I try to center myself the week before I leave, as close I will ever come to zen when I'm not on the trail. I struggle, but I find that it really helps both for calming the worry and in preparing myself when the physical strain eventually comes. I call it avoiding the pre-mature burnout.
Third, I attempt to get to bed as early as I can. Because I don't sleep well at the best of times, I've found settling down earlier in the evening allows for at least more time to rest. It's top loading your batteries before the big work out. I must say I usually have no problem sleeping on the trail, sadly on this trip it will not be in my hammock. :(
Finally, and this is one of the hardest, I back off the cola. First it helps to do this early enough that your not suffering detox headaches on the trail and second it helps with sleeping.
All in all, I know I just want to get on the trail, patience has never been my virtue. I love to hike, I love being outdoors and for the most part I know all the worries will melt away after the first couple kilometers.
Happy trails.
